Not Forgotten

I am just having a rough day. Sad, blue, depressed. I just am.

I miss Joey. I feel lonely. I feel empty and low.

I know that I won't always feel this way and when I do, I try to acknowledge that and then let myself feel whatever it is I'm feeling.

Still it's hard for me.

But I am never really alone.

Besides a loving Heavenly Father who watches over me and loves me, I am blessed with little angels throughout my life.

Last night I received evidence of that in the form of a package filled with scrapbook supplies. Apparently ScrapSupply hosted a special event in which members nominated people to receive a special care package. I have no idea who nominated me or why, but I must tell you how much it made me feel loved. I think it's important to feel significant and to feel like we matter, especially when we are struggling. I cannot tell you how many times I have had a shoulder to lean on offered me. I hope you know that I am so very grateful, that I'm doing my share of leaning, and that your support means the world to me.

Thank you so very much!


Merry Christmas!



It's been a while. Having a bit of holiday blues I suppose so I haven't really wanted to post. Sometimes I feel like I have something to say, but when I get down to it I feel cold and distant. I hate that! I don't like feeling unhappy. I so admire people that are able to smile and have a positive attitude most of the time. I truly believe that's a gift.


We did miss Joey during the holidays and perhaps that's part of it, but I feel him with me always. I just carry him around with me in my heart. I wasn't as sad as I thought I might be. I believe I have come to terms with the fact that he is in Heaven with a loving Heavenly Father and is being loved and cared for in a way that I could not provide him here on earth. Knowing that helps me so much not to worry. That doesn't mean I don't miss him. Good grief! I think about him nearly every minute of every day.


And there are difficult moments, like finding his stocking, which says "Baby's First Christmas." How little did I know how short my baby's life was going to be. There was wrapping presents and not having any for him (although I did wrap one and put it under the tree--I needed that). There was Christmas morning and a small present that my husband had wrapped for me, which had Joey's name as the giver. I think I broke down the most at that because I didn't see it coming, and I was so grateful to have a small moment of normalcy.


I do miss him!! Like crazy!!


And maybe I'm not just not accepting that I'm hurting, sad, and a little bit lonely without him. I just don't know how to wear that grief every day. But perhaps without knowing it, I am anyway.


I just don't want to disappoint him and be unhappy. I want to move towards him in a positive way.


I promise: it really was a good Christmas, and I am sad that it comes and goes so quickly. We were surrounded by family for the entire day, and everyone seemed relaxed and happy to be in our home. That makes me feel good. Good to know that our home has that "stay a while" feeling. I hope it always does.


And maybe, just maybe, my little man stayed for a bit yesterday too. That would make me feel a little bit better and a little less sad.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!
My New Adventure

It's interesting how you feel all comfortable in your life, and then the Lord sends you an opportunity that forces you to step outside your comfort zone and grow. This is mine . . .

http://www.creativexpress.com/nth/index.php

Parenting: A constant source of entertainment!

Ah, the joys of parenting. It's certainly never dull. For example, when the Home Teachers (men that visit monthly from our church) came our youngest after a lengthy discussion posed the question, "When we say a prayer does that make you leave?" Thank goodness they both have good sense of humors because holy cow that could have been embarassing!!

Shock and awe, baby! Shock and awe!

Then there was the time I was carrying our daugher out of church due to her whining and fussing and she shouts at the top of her lungs, "I promise I'll be good!" That was the longest walk out of the chapel EVER!!

You just never know what you're going to get when you have kids. And after a while you just learn to laugh about it. Of course, you apologize to others and teach your children good manners. That's important too, but frankly, I need a good laugh every once in a while. And I'm always wondering what tactic or form of entertainment they will pick up next. Like I said, it's certainly never dull around here!

It's good to be the Mommy. :)


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